Me handing in my resignation letter so I’m one step ahead
🗿
Frankly, I’d have rather had this experience than what I actually had: nonchalantly walking to my boss’s office right before the office closed for Christmas while thinking he was going to wish me a happy holiday.
“Huh. What’s this? A spur of the moment Teams meeting with some VP whose name I barely know? Ah. And there’s HR. So it’s THAT meeting.”
Things at my current job are an such a massive shit show already. I imagine that my only reaction to such a meeting would be a full throated laugh, “good luck!” And just drop the meeting.
same.
they wouldn’t be fucked forever, but they’d certainly feel the long cold shaft firmly forced up their urethra for at least a good six months.
That’s exactly how it happened at my previous job :(
I got that call for saying I was “enjoying the view,” meaning the park-like landscaping out the window of an empty office I was admiring on the first sunny day of Spring. A woman in the hallway assumed I meant her butt.
Wait, this doesn’t add up, who did you say it to? Why didn’t they back you up? Did you just say it to yourself? What?
Okay, full story:
I was standing in the doorway of an empty office, looking out the window and talking to myself out loud (because I’m a dork) about how I would arrange it if it were my office. It was a ground floor office with beautiful parklike landscaping outside, nothing but trees and rolling greenery, not even a light pole in sight. As I backed out into the hallway without looking, I sort of bumped into two women, one of whom happened to be my office manager, let’s call her Alice, and the other I didn’t know, call her Miss Congeniality. I felt like I had to say something to explain why I was standing in the doorway of an empty office talking to myself out loud, so as they walked away I said, “I’m just having a nice day, enjoying the view.” They looked at each other and giggled, which made me feel even dorkier.
A month goes by.
There’s a small reorganization and the seating gets shuffled. By sheer chance, Miss C and I are supposed to share an office. At this point she tells office manager Alice that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing an office with me after that remark I made. “What remark?” asks Alice. “The one about enjoying the view,” says Miss C, “when he was looking at our butts.” Alice tries to stick up for me, saying I was just off in my own world, but Miss C is insistent so Alice reluctantly brings it to HR.
At first I honestly had no idea what they were talking about, as it had been a month and I had forgotten the whole thing. For a week I tried to figure out what the hell I could have said that sounded like “enjoying the view”. Was it something “of you”? Was it “a few”? But nothing came to mind and I was convinced they just had the wrong guy. Then my wife told a friend of mine about it and he just laughed and said, “Knowing <dork> he was probably looking out the window!” When I heard looking out the window, BOOM the whole thing came flooding back. So I went back to HR and related what I now remembered. I asked if I could talk to the accuser but they’re emphatically like, “Oh no no! Don’t anybody talk to anybody, let us handle it!” After a day or two they say Miss C agreed it was probably a misunderstanding.
The end result was that Miss C didn’t have to move in with me and got to keep her solo office. Based on her utter lack of reaction at the time, I’m pretty sure this was what motivated the complaint. But there’s absolutely no way to prove that, and it’s water under the bridge.
haha no way, ouch
Mine have always been they just show up unannounced, take me to a conference room, and lay me off that day.
In a sexy way?
I got laid off literally less than 20 minutes after I finished everything that needed to be done for that quarter. They told me they were waiting for me to finish, and that they had lied to my face about finding me a new position when they closed up my office.
The signs are often there. You know when they start finding time for you to do documentation, a layoff is coming.
I’m more like “took them long enough to finally find one thing”
*inhales cigarette* “what took you so long?”
Inhaling a cigarette sounds very unpleasant.
exhales cigarette Suit yourself bub
Same vibe as “chewing on a cigar”
Invite with HR Friday at 4pm.
It’s so rude that they wait until end of day/end of week. I’ve seen my boss do it multiple times, and it’s just like… If you know at 9am, then fire them at 9am. Don’t make them work one whole shift, undoubtedly worrying about this end-of-day meeting, before confirming they were right to be worried and firing them.
Edit: sorry, just to add - I’m sure you’re not being fired! Totally forgot that I was replying to this particular comment!
My company always does them on Thursdays, which is when they run payroll and can cut them off cleanly without back pay owed.
I got a message from my boss today asking me to come into the office (I’m nominally fully remote). It’s probably fine, but…
Reminds me of when I sent the return to office emails out to my team.
I apparently fumbled the wording so badly that one of my longtime friends/coworkers sent me a text asking if there’s going to be layoffs.
If I’m layed off I get a huge settlement and a year of a good unemployement salary. Vacation time.
Could be having you rat on coworkers
Wait, that’s a cardinal, am I reading pope vibes in this meme?
