Besides what the other commenter mentioned, there’s also existing services you can use instead of doing it all yourself and having to keep track of another VPS/Server

https://www.noip.com/remote-access

Especially if all you want to do is access your own server from outside your local off-grid network, then the free tier of the above service is probably perfect. Paid tiers give you a bit more features and can use your own TLD; Oracle also offers something similar that is paid.

I don’t think the SPF / DKIM / DMARC stuff is overly complex nor the core of the problem.

It’s not the core of the issue, but the average joe that is a hobbyist self-hoster it will be.

IMO, the core issue is that there is no standard whatsoever. People just do whatever the hell they want with these records, pretty much. Microsoft and Google do it differently than each other, even.

The only solution for me is that we move on from email as a society.

Yea, if you are not willing to be meticulous about learning/understanding all the DNS stuff (SPF/DKIM/DMARC), and plan to host this at home, don’t.

I ran this same system for a very long time on a VPS and had no problems with blacklists, but I’m also a career systems engineer that maintained enterprise systems and exchange servers.

Also note how I am speaking of MIAB in the past tense…

I think the better option is to try and avoid email as much as you can, just like SMS. Outdated tech and not secure. At that point, any ol’ existing email service is good enough.